If you’re tired of falling in love and breaking up a scant few months later, this is for you.
Love at first sight…?
It feels like an incredible high when you guys first get together. He delights you in ways you couldn’t imagine possible.
How did you luck out so bad? He’s THE ONE for sure. Soulmate status, twin flames what up.
Alas, the fog of infatuation must lift. The honeymoon inevitably draws to a close.
Flaming or not, nobody is perfect and your man is no exception. His beguiling foibles now irritate you. His less savoury qualities surface – you didn’t know he was obsessed with raunchy anime girls. He wears the same pair of socks multiple times! Who is this guy and why was he hidden away for so long?
Oh yeah, because we put our best foot forward to impress.
Now you’ve been injected with a hit of reality. He’s no Prince Charming.
Meanwhile, you yourself have reverted to pre-relationship you, mood swings and all – you’re no Princess either.
Now you’re really you, he’s really him, and the two of you may be clashing like titans.
At this stage, the two of you are asserting your boundaries in defiance of the other. You want to make sure you don’t lose yourself. Tension, disagreements, full-blown fights may occur.
Many couples call it quits here and head for conceivably greener pastures. Who wants to deal with friction on a regular basis? Lots of the fish in the sea. You don’t need to deal with small fry.
But guess what. This is common. Every relationship goes through this – at least to some degree.
And it may happen in your next, and your next, and the one after that.
To keep your mental ship (and heart) on even keel through all your romantic endeavours, you can either:
Take it slow and prepare for the worst
For those of us who’ve had many a rodeo, this isn’t news. Stay a bit guarded and aloof. Why give of yourself to someone who might not end up being worthy?
This used to be me. Any annoyance, pet peeve, weirdness was grounds for dismissal.
The downside to this approach is that you might be too hasty in judgment.
You might miss out on really good things.
You might barricade yourself from the warmth of a fulfilling relationship because you’re too wary of being wrong or hurt.
So you can…
Go lightspeed and create the best relationship ever
You can choose to fling your heart into the fire and let it burn bright.
Focus on his positive, admirable qualities. What we zero in on is what we’ll see more of. If you stay fixated on the annoying things he does, more pet peeves will start coming out of the woodwork.
Instead, write a list of everything you love about him, both big and small. Seeing it in writing will make it more real.
I mean, he doesn’t NEED to be with you.
Cultivating an attitude of gratitude and appreciation works wonders to corral happiness within your heart and mind.
Next time you’re in the middle of an argument, take a deep breath to remove yourself from your emotions.
Choose to project love and affection. Cast away pride.
Love is a two-way street. Both of you need to be all hands on deck or one of you will invariably end up hurt and disappointed.
That’s my take on how to sustain relationships that seem to change overnight. Love is a tricky thing. It takes work, but it becomes surprisingly easy if your heart is in the right place.
Good luck y’all.